When you're in mourning

When you're in mourning,it's easy to feel that nobody understands. Especially if it is "disenfranchised grief" -the pain of a significant loss that is not openly acknowledged or socially supported. "your ex-husband passes away, for example, and your friends don't see why it matter's." or a gay person's partner becomes ill but they've never been open about their relationship. Disenfranchised grief is also something i thought i had when after 13 yrs I'm still mourning my twins passing. I kept this fact hidden from my family.  Fearing i was crazy for holding on to this grief for so long. I went online searching medical sites looking for other reason's besides grief.  I got really good at diagnosing myself with a minag of disorders. The problem with suffering in silence is that you dont have support when you need it. After seeking online support i found the twin less twins. This saved my life. I also see many of the Twin less Twins (TT for short) who have lost a twin in utero or as baby's. some parent's hide the existence of the other twin. like hiding photo's and never talking about them. Talk about disenfranchised grief! So your telling me that your twin died at birth and your mourning them? I can tell you with great confidence that no matter what age my twin sister Tina died it would be devastating. whether it be in utero or age 90. It is a bond that was made before we were born. I can only explain it as a relationship with myself. she was me,i was her. We are mourning the death of ourselves. I fight with this reality everyday. You have lost someone, but even more than that you have lost a part of yourself.  How do you renvent yourself? Do you push your dead self to the side to make room for your living self. How do you go against nature? Im so angry at Tina for leaving me here! I know why many twin's take there own life. Understanding the strong urge to join the other. Its so hard here in the single world. But what keeps me going is what i would tell Tina if i had been the one to go first. Choose life! Dont neglect your self and others around you. I am with you so stay strong. Actually it would sound more like...Get out of the bed, brush your teeth and clean your house for the love of god!